As I sat last night tying ribbon around freshly sharpened No.2's and Ritz crackers (yes, I'm insane) I began to reminisce about my tests of yester year. Ah, the memories! The entire population of my school filing into the auditorium where we were to be seated every other chair and a row apart...NO CHEATING!!! God forbid some poor kid behind me begin filling in his bubble sheet: R-A-N-D, Oh crap...testing hasn't started yet!!
And that adrenaline rush! No.2 pencils sharpened and prepped for bubble fillage...you sit, awaiting the "go" word, at which point you throw open your test book and begin hurriedly answering the questions laid out before you. Always sure to fill in the correct bubble line. Such a terrible waste of testing time if you find that you've accidentally skipped a line and must erase and re-fill bubbles...UGH! THE HORROR!!!!!!
Be sure to fill in those bubbles completely now. No X's, check marks, or half filled bubbles. By the end of Jr. High, every child in the United States will, if nothing else, be qualified to hold a job in the bubble filling industry. That is, if you can get your hands on the coveted No.2 pencil. Nuh uh...no No.3's for me! All test lead must be the perfect shade of gray and at just the right level of softness so not to tear the answer sheet. MY HEAVENS!! Whatever shall we do if the magical bubble reader can't decipher the hideous No.3 filled bubbles!!! GASP!
So much hype is put into Tera Nova week. Teachers send home notes the Friday prior:
How To Prepare Your Child For Testing: Get a good nights sleep, eat a healthy breakfast, practice math facts, have your child read to you, (and my personal favorite) Assure your child that there is no reason to be nervous. Are you KIDDING me?! No reason to be nervous? For heavens sake people, you make this out to be the test of all tests. The single thing that will make or break one's educational career. Every eight year old in the country is shaking in their Vans. Don't be nervous....yeah right!
And NOW, we are to send a healthy snack to class for break time. Say WHA? Heck, we didn't get snacks during testing...healthy or otherwise. we weren't even allowed a bottle of water or chewing gum. "Pardon me? You say that you are parched with the dryness of a thousand dessert suns? Well tough luck, finish that test!!!" What has our world come to?
Curious,I do wonder if anyone else had a favorite testing day. Mine...vocabulary & reading comprehension. Oh yes...I was a reading GOD!!!! A math god however, I was not. I do believe I quite likely fell into the "Your child seems to have suffered a serious brain trauma and should seek professional help" category.
Math day was the day when it was absolutely inevitable that I would be rushing to fill in bubbles as the clock ticked away it's final seconds. "TIME! Close your test books. If you have any remaining time at the end of the next section you can go back and finish this section". Remaining time? What the heck were they talking about? If my lame self couldn't get through the simple addition/subtraction section, I sure as heck wouldn't have any remaining time after the trigonometry section. GRRRRR!!!!
No matter. Here I stand before you...er, ummm, this computer...a Tera Nova "graduate". And thankfully, I am no worse for the wear. Now, I will send my children off with a full nights sleep and a healthy breakfast, armed with No.2's and a snack. Good luck young ones. May all your testing dreams come true!
And all these things will be passed down from generation to generation, so that we shall remember those who have gone before.
5 comments:
OH MY GOD!!! Thank you so much for the wet underwear. I have needed a good laugh & honey you paid off. I will certainly keep the kids in my thoughts during the dreaded tests and hope they endure. If ever you need any #2s, I have a drawer full as I love the smell of them along with the soft, sensual lead. Sigh!
I will make sure that I pray for them tonight. I remember those dreadfull days. The feeling in the pit of your stomach that quite frankly jus makes you want to puke. I am so glad they're over. Good Luck and I Love You!!
You are such an overacheiver! Ribbons!! Cute! but that is why I love you so much. I have tears in my eyes some are for laughter and some are from the heart. I hope all did well on the dreaded tests. Love to all!!
I have kids in my classroom balling right now, as I am beginning to read them the dreaded scripted directions for state testing. Barf! I don't know which was worse, taking the tests or giving them! Ha! I miss you all terribly and have been thinking of you a lot lately. I read all your archives and laughed my head off at the mention of the reunion. I went one night for the party at the downtown bar. I stayed one hour, which was one hour too long! You missed nothing.
Those we weren't friends with acted like we were best friends, I almost through up my bourbon and coke, which would have made the entire evening a waste. Hope to hear from you soon.
I meant threw up, not through up. How scary that I just finished teaching an hour of english and can't use the correct words. You know me!
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